want to remodel a house?

The first home my husband and I purchased was a 75 year old home full of character that needed new everything. The one thing that it had going for it was a really cool original carved solid wood entry door, an amazing stair case and really cool, very old woodwork.

We bought it from my parents who purchased it in desperation when they put their house on the market and it sold in 3 days. OOPS. They needed a place to live immediately and this charmer was available so they bought it and lived in it for 6 months or so until they could find something a little less charming and a lot more habitable.

We had been married about 3 years and decided that it would be good to build some equity so we got a really good deal on the house and moved in. I was filled with dreams of a Better Homes and Garden's spread entitled "Couple turns rustic charmer into dream home for $5,000 - you can too!" We soon learned that living in a home you are trying to renovate is not fun. Not even close.

To start with, the owners prior to my parents loved olive green. They must have. They painted the walls and the woodwork with it and installed olive green shag carpet throughout. That was OK. The olive green paint distracted from the cracked plaster and the carpet covered up the worn pine floors.

We replaced most of the plaster with dry wall, stripped and stained the wood work and recarpeted and tiled. Our young son was so used to just knocking down walls that one night he took a hammer to the newly drywalled dining room wall. He was just "fissin" it. Note to anyone considering this level of demolition: tearing down lath and plaster is dusty. Very dusty. And there will be stuff in the walls that falls on you. Wear a hat.

The kitchen was particularly grotesque and had a very interesting door into the basement that opened at about the 4th step so the old saying "watch the first step, it's a doozy" took on a whole new meaning. As far as we could tell, it was the orignal and only interior door to the basement. I would find myself wondering the conversations that went into putting those stairs and that door in. "Yep, Clem, I think we should put the stairs here. It'll be a little dangerous but that'll keep out the rif-raf."

We moved the door and gutted and redesigned the kitchen. It turned out pretty nice but it took months and months of living with just a microwave and a refrigerator with the only source of water being the one bathroom. Upstairs.

Then there were the bats. One night we were lying in bed and heard this wierd scratching and squeaking noise. In the wall at the head of our bed. BATS. I know they are fellow mammals and eat their weight in mosquitos but they need to know their place and that place is not in my walls.

One night two of the little devils found their way into the house. I won't go into details but suffice it to say that you haven't lived until you have seen your 6ft 2in husband standing in the middle of the bed swinging at a flying bat with a pillow. We had the house treated and got rid of the infestation. The experience made quite an impression on our son, however. He was 3 when we moved from there into our current home. He wanted to know why the walls in his new house were so quiet.

The experience was both wonderful and awful. We really learned a lot and made a few $$ when we sold it. My parents were incredibly helpful and spent many hours helping us do the work, I am really good at drywall and staining woodwork. I can talk about nob and tube wiring and why it isn't good. I can also spot dry rot a mile away. Mostly we learned that we never want to do it again. Ever.

I had a recurring dream for a few months after we sold the house. In my dream I returned for a tour and found that they had painted olive green latex over my beautifully stained wood work. They ripped out all of the really expensive carpet and tile and replaced it with the olive green shag. I was furious. In my dream the new owners returned soon after I began my tour. I chased them around the house with a broom and when I caught them I beat the crap out of them. I am not a violent person but there is only so much a person can take.....

think you need two sinks?

One of my favorite shows is House Hunters on HGTV. I was amazed that people could make a decision about spending the equivalent of a small city's budget after just looking at 3 houses until I found out that the show is edited. Gasp! Apparently they look at a lot of houses and just edit the show down to 3. Color me befuddled.

The show is a fascinating study in what people think is important and my daughter and I make bets on what house the buyer's will ultimately choose. If you watch carefully you get really good at it but sometimes there are surprises.

There are several consistent themes to this show that strike me. First. EVERYONE on this show entertains!! They are always commenting about how the kitchen is too small to entertain or the dining room is just the right size for entertaining or the deck / patio is a fantastic outdoor space to entertain. Do no introverts buy homes? I would love to see an agorophobic, introverted couple on the show who comment that the kitchen is tiny and there is no dining room and the backyard is microscopic but that is FINE because they never go out and have no friends. I just want some balance.

Second. what is it with the two sinks in the bathroom? "Oh, honey, the bathroom has a marble spa tub, the shower is the size of my parent's first house and the bedroom is 1200 square feet but there is only one sink in the master bathroom. Even though it is priced $50,000 below the assessed value I guess we will have to pass". Really?

Now I have been married for over 30 years and I can tell you that if I am in the bathroom using the sink, my husband / children can just wait. I don't need company in there. I don't want to watch you shaving anything or combing anything or washing anything. Maybe I am a wierdo but there are rules. Besides that, if you really need to get ready for work or whatever at the exact same moments that I am in the bathroom, use the other bathroom. Or wait. It'll be Ok, really.

Finally. is it just me or are people generally superficial? "I don't like the orange and green living room. I really prefer beige and purple". Someone painted it those ugly colors, you can cover it up with your ugly colors. After 25 years of home ownership, here is my advice to them. Don't look at the things that are easy to fix. Ask about the stuff that is going to cost you big $$. Here are some suggestions: how old is the furnace / air conditioner / water heater; how old are the windows; is the attic insulated; how old is the roof? These are things that matter but they probably arent good TV.

If you have never watched the show, I highly recommend it. It is fascinating to see what passes for affordable in different parts of the country and it is fun to see what some of the folks do with their newly purchased piece of the American Dream.

want to start a blog?

My husband has a blog and spends a lot of time on it. It used to tick me off but now I figure it keeps him out of the bars and at least he isn't into internet gambling. Could be worse. I even got to the point of suggesting things for his blog but he never posts them. Evidently he doesn't share my sense of humor or my ideas of what constitutes interesting facts.

So, I decided to toot my own internet horn so to speak. I find myself pondering things and wonder if anyone else looks at the world the way I do. I love irony in whatever form it takes and connecting seemingly unconnectable dots.

I hope this blog will be amusing and maybe thought provoking. I don't intend it to be controversial but I suppose it could be. I don't know how often I will post; there is no way to schedule flashes of the absurd or insightful.

Here's to our future "conversations".....